Adrien's New Groove
by Otoshigo
Summary: Due to some unfortunate akuma magic, Adrien and Plagg have switched bodies! Plagg wreaks havoc and Adrien finds out it's much harder to be a kwami than he thought. Can they switch back to normal before the worst comes to pass? Adrienette/Ladrien


**SUMMARY:** Due to some unfortunate akuma magic, Adrien and Plagg have switched bodies! Plagg wreaks havoc and Adrien finds out it's much harder to be a kwami than he thought. Can they switch back to normal before the worst comes to pass? Adrienette/Ladrien

~o~

"How the hell did this happen?!" the voice of a tiny cat god of destruction rang out into an enormous bedroom.

"Beats me," a young human's voice drawled lazily. "Don't get yourself so worked up, kiddo. These things tend to work themselves out."

At first glance, this might look like a perfectly normal conversation with miraculous model, Adrien Agreste, and his little cat kwami, Plagg. Then one might notice the rather sloppy way that Adrien spread himself over the couch, picking his ear as he barely paid any attention to the little black kwami. A kwami who seemed to vibrate in anxiety and confusion, flitting through the air like a hummingbird.

"That akuma must have been some kind of body swapper!" the kwami cried, flailing as it looked itself over in a mirror. "Only I didn't change bodies with someone else, because you and I were already connected!" It seemed strange at the time that nothing came of the umpteenth time Chat was hit by a stray akuma beam. He and Ladybug continued the fight, until the akuma vanished so suddenly (now that he knew what kind she was, it was far less mysterious) and they had to go home to recharge and regroup.

That was when Chat detransformed at home and found out the horrible truth.

"Well," Plagg said, perking up into a sit, "look at the bright side of all this!"

"And what's that?" Adrien asked, turning a justifiably suspicious look over to the cat that now wore his body.

"I can have all the cheese I could possibly eat!" Plagg cackled, wringing his hands.

Adrien groaned and pressed his borrowed face into a tiny cat paw. "No," he said, "no, you can't."

"Why not?" Plagg demanded. "I know how you do it. You just call up that grocery service of yours and have it delivered. I can fake a signature." It was a necessary workaround since the ungodly amount of cheese the kwami ate would raise entirely too many questions from Nathalie, their personal chef and his nutritionist.

"Well," Adrien replied in a clipped tone, "I'm lactose intolerant."

It was a filthy lie, but he wasn't about to risk his father's ire from inevitably ruining his model figure _when_ (not if) Plagg ate his weight in camembert. Adrien _did_ derive a little bit of guilty (if masochistic) pleasure in watching his own face go ashen with horror.

Plagg sank down to his knees, green eyes wide. "Nooooo~! Why?! Why would the universe do this to meeeeee~?!" he howled, fisting his hands into his hair. He fell to the floor, pounding a hand into the ground. "Why will my cursed bad luck never cease~?!"

Adrien sighed at the melodramatics. All the more surreal because he was watching his own body make such antics. Well, at least Plagg would be motivated to fix this mess now. He zipped over to his misbodied kwami and said, "Well, you know what we have to do. We need to find that akuma and either get zapped again or purify the akuma. I'll check the Ladyblog and see if there's been any sightings. You turn on the TV."

It was incredibly taxing to work the keyboard in such a small size as he went through the laborious task of typing in his password and hitting his top visited page. There was no way in hell he was going to let Plagg know his computer password though. He let out a wistful sigh at the site's main page and the image of his lady love. Sadly, there wasn't anything on the page save for their latest fight and lots of theories on what this new akuma actually did. Apparently, he and Ladybug weren't the only ones thrown for a loop when her beam (supposedly) did nothing.

Behind him, Plagg still hadn't moved from the floor, bemoaning his fate. "Plagg! Get the TV!" Adrien called. Then gave up and took care of it himself. "Honestly, I have to do everything around here."

The news was slightly better. Strange occurences of people showing up in the wrong homes were being reported. Along with 50 year olds crying like babes and five year olds spouting their outrage. It was Parisian pandemonium.

Unfortunately, no one had sighted the 'Body Snatcher' as she was so dubbed, since the fight. Being in the fashion world, it didn't take a genius to figure out what her motivation might be. Adrien just hoped that her absence didn't mean she had already swapped bodies with whomever she was after in the first place.

At around seven, Nathalie knocked at the door. "Adrien, dinner."

"Coming!" Adrien called automatically. Only to freeze when he realized it wasn't with his voice.

"Adrien? Is that you?"

Panicking, Adrien zipped over to Plagg on the couch and shoved at the lazy cat's shoulder. "Wake up! Answer!" he hissed, tugging violently at a lock of blond hair.

"MreOWCH!" Plagg yelped, coming fully awake.

"Adrien? Are you alright?"

Adrien prodded him again, knocking against his head with the full weight of his tiny body. Finally Plagg shook the cobwebs from his mind and called, "AH- Here! I'm here!"

"...Alright," came Nathalie's skeptical voice. Not that Adrien blamed her. "Dinner's ready in the dining room."

At the mention of food, Plagg perked up. Adrien only had enough time to duck into Plagg's shirt pocket before the misbodied kwami took off for the dining room. Boy, the kwami was in for an unpleasant surprise.

Plagg let out a whimper when he saw the plate of salade nicoise and glass of water that awaited him. "Where's the cheeeese?" he whined, already forgetting Adrien's purported lie. Adrien knew he wouldn't need to worry about getting caught out on it. His nutritionist/chef duo were veritable Nazis when it came to unnecessary fat.

"I thought cats were supposed to like fish?" Adrien muttered, his own stomach beginning to rumble. Not for salade though. For some reason the crisp vegetables had an incredibly distasteful aroma to them. He craved something less fresh _,_ even _rotten_.

Before he could finish the thought, Nathalie came by to check-in on him. "Adrien, are you not hungry?" she asked, holding out her tablet. Her direct line to report to his father.

Plagg looked up, putting together his hands as he gave her the best kitten-eyes he could muster. "Actually, I was wondering if I could have some-" Adrien bit under his arm. Hard. "Meowch!" the cat yowled. At Nathalie's puzzled look, Plagg pulled a very Adrien-like expression, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck. "Uh- I mean- This is fine." Under Nathalie's frown, he meekly took a bite of the salade, then another, until she nodded and departed.

Plagg gagged as soon as she left. "How can you eat this stuff?" he demanded, as Adrien rolled out of the tight fit in the inner shirt pocket onto the table.

"Because I have to," the mini-model replied glumly. His stomach gave a powerful rumble again. Come to think of it, he'd used Cataclysm in that last fight, didn't he? Did that mean he needed to do the recharging? Wait, did that mean he had all of Plagg's powers?

"Jush 'ealized you're a god of deshtruction, huh?" Plagg asked around a mouthful of food. He picked up one of the olives from the salad and pushed it up against Adrien's little mouth. "This'll do you." Adrien gulped down the salty olive, surprised at the definite taste of _darkness_ in it, for lack of a better word. It was _delicious._ Already separating the olives out, Plagg said, "Can't have you eating what precious little cheese you have for me in the house. You can have pickles."

"How generous," Adrien replied dryly, even as he devoured the olives with gusto. "Wait a minute. So if we have to fight the Body Snatcher, then I have to do what you do? I don't know how to do that!"

"Hmmmm~ True. It would be difficult to cram thousands of years of forbidden knowledge into your fragile little mind," Plagg mused as Adrien broke into cold sweat. Then he smiled, "Well! I suppose we'll just have to leave it to Ladybug then!"

 _Lazy cat,_ Adrien thought darkly. Even so, he might have a point. This time.

~o~

Adrien wasn't quite prepared for _how_ lazy his kwami was, when morning came. "Plagg! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" he cried, trying to pulled the sleeping teen out of bed through sheer force. He managed to get an arm up, but the full weight of him was too much to handle. He picked up his blaring alarm clock and chucked it at Plagg's head. Plagg (somehow, Adrien doubted he was really asleep) picked it up with his eyes closed and threw it at the wall, where it shattered.

"Plagg!" Adrien cried, at his wits end. "Plagg, _pleeeease~_ I can't miss school! My father will revoke my right to go!" Plagg let out a snore and rolled over. "I'll order you the Pule!" Pule, the most expensive cheese in the entire world at €250 per kilo, made from all things - Serbian donkey milk.

Plagg cracked an eye open.

A half hour later, they arrived in front of school with not a moment to spare. Adrien's body looked markedly different than it did most days. For one, they didn't have time to bother with all the styling and primping that was required (and frankly, Adrien didn't think he could teach him), so his hair was still in a barely combed bedhead state. Plagg also opted for all black, which felt most natural to him. All around the ensemble made Adrien extremely nervous that someone might recognize him as Chat Noir.

Adrien couldn't see the reaction of his classmates though, stuck in a school bag as he was. He grimaced at the tight fit. It was downright claw-strophobic. No wonder Plagg got up to all kinds of trouble when they were at school. He made a mental note to get a bigger bag as soon as this mess was sorted out.

"Dude?" he heard Nino's voice muffled through the bag, after Plagg entered the classroom. "You look... a little different."

"Late start," Plagg replied with a wide yawn. Adrien had the sneaking suspicion that he was going to fall asleep during class.

"Oookay?" Adrien could just imagine the expression on his best friend's face. "Well, we've got a math test first thing. That'll be sure to perk you right up."

Adrien began to cold sweat again. Oh _no!_ He forgot all about that! What if Plagg bombed it?! Did the kwami even know math?! What if his father saw a failing grade! He'd pull him out of school for sure!

As if sensing his thoughts, the zipper to his bag opened and Adrien looked up to an enormous pair of green eyes. "If you think I can't handle Bessel and Legendre functions or the Sturm-Liouville theory, you grossly underestimate a god," he whispered as he winked.

"Just stay awake during the test!" Adrien hissed back at him, vibrating in fury.

Plagg smirked and pulled away, but left the bag open to give Adrien a prime view of the board. Adrien let out a faint sigh of relief. Well, even if Plagg fell asleep, hopefully he could still pay attention for the rest of school. It wouldn't be all-

Chloe came into view.

Adrien froze.

"Good morning, Adrichoue!" the girl squealed, clasping her hands together as she looked him over. "Ah! I love the sexy bedhead look! You pull off messy so well~! Oh, did you see my new handbag? It's all the rage in Milan. It costs €3000!"

Plagg cracked one eye open, unsuccessfully trying to sneak in another cat nap before school officially started. "Do you mind shutting up?" he growled. A gasp went out through the entire class.

Adrien squeaked in horror.

However, Plagg wasn't done there. "Who can possibly _think_ with your annoying, grating voice yapping away at me all the time? Do me a favor and just never talk to me again for the rest of the day. No, the rest of the _year._ Okay?"

Adrien felt his world shatter and he let out a silent dying scream.

Chloe let out a choked noise and a sob. She ran from the classroom in tears with Sabrina hot on her heels to comfort her.

" _Dude,_ " Nino said in horrified awe. "Not that she totally didn't have that coming, but _damn_ that was harsh. Dontcha think?"

"Don't really care," came Plagg's lazy drawl. "Ugh, is school over yet?"

"It hasn't even started!"

Meanwhile, Adrien lay between his history and his math both, trying not to hyperventilate in sheer panic. Then Alya and Marinette came into view. His anxiety only worsened, as he tried to imagine what sort of trauma Plagg was going to inflict on his shy and stammering classmate.

Marinette paused beside them, waving a hand too quickly to be natural. "Morning good, Adrien! I-I-I mean, good morning! I hope your morning's good. You look really sleepy. Are you going to be okay for the test math? Do you need caffeine? You can have my coffee if you like."

Adrien awaited what horrible reaction Plagg would give his cutest classmate with bated breath. Much to his shock, Plagg simply took the proffered cup of coffee. "Thanks," he said, bored but not unkind.

An awkward beat passed.

"Ah- okay, well! Good luck with your test!" Marinette said, as Alya ushered her into the row behind them. Adrien supposed that as far as Marinette interactions went, that really wasn't all that bad. Plagg could be... well, not _nice,_ but not a complete ass when he wanted to be, he decided as Mme. Bustier came in to announce the beginning of the test.

With having no idea how the test went, Adrien had no choice but to sit on pins and needles for the rest of the day. He did his best to try to pay attention to class from his awful vantage point. He could see that Plagg had slouched over on his desk and was no doubt sleeping. _Lazy cat!_ he thought for the umpteenth time that day.

 _("Ah! Plagg! What is going on with your chosen!")_ a voice suddenly spoke into his mind, from what he sensed was behind him. Adrien let out a small shriek as a huge red _bug_ materialized in through the bag next to him. It lunged for him, putting a red paw over his mouth. _("Plagg! What's wrong with you? Use your kwami voice!")_

 _Kwami?_ Adrien thought, stilling under the bug's grip. Then he sucked in a sharp breath. Red bug. Ladybug! This was Ladybug's kwami! LADYBUG WAS IN THE SAME CLASS AS HIM!

While his mind was mentally combusting at this new information, the bug continued, _("I never thought I'd see a sweet boy like Adrien rip into Chloe like that. It doesn't seem like him at all. It's probably a good thing that the Body Snatcher is still at large or we'd have another Chloe akuma on our hands.")_

Adrien really wasn't sure how to use this 'kwami voice' that the bug was talking about, so he simply nodded slowly.

 _("Don't get me wrong. She deserves it after all the things she's put my Mari through. Still one would think that Adrien of all people would know what terrible consequences such unkind words could have.")_

 _My... Mari?_ Did he get that right? A-as in, Marinette? But how would this kwami know- Unless-

MARINETTE IS LADYBUG?!

Adrien's mind mentally combusted yet again, his green eyes widening until they nearly bugged out of his head.

 _("Anyway,")_ the bug said, pulling out a scrap of graph paper and a pencil from the innards of the bag. _("What shall we do today? Tic-tac-toe? Haiku? Chess is fun, but a little difficult like this.")_ She paused when no answer was forthcoming. _("Plagg?")_ she questioned, looking at him with her bright lovely blue eyes.

"I... I'm not Plagg," Adrien managed in the tiniest voice he could muster. Those blue eyes widened. "I'm... Adrien."

 _("Wh-WHAAAAAT!")_

Afterwards, the bug kwami, Tikki, taught Adrien how to use the kwami voice. Then they got to the business of exchanging information. _("I can't believe I didn't realize that happened!")_ the sweet ladybug kwami said in distress. _("Oh, I'm so sorry, Adrien. I never imagined that a kwami and their chosen could switch places. And Plagg is such a handful! You must be having a terrible time.")_

 _("N-no, it's okay,")_ Adrien replied, a little perturbed by the non-human way of communicating, _("I'm used to him. I'm just sorry about accidentally finding out Ladybug's identity. I know she's really sensitive about that.")_ But to think, all this time Ladybug sat behind him. All this time, Ladybug was Marinette. _Wow..._

 _("It can't be helped,")_ Tikki said with a shrug, distracting Adrien from his lovesick reverie. _("What's important now is that we need to switch you and Plagg back to your proper bodies. Who knows what could happen when kwami-magic is in play. The easiest thing would be if you and he were Chat Noir and got hit by a beam again.")_

 _("But I don't know anything about being a kwami,")_ Adrien stressed. _("I'd probably mess up on the whole god powers thing and make Cataclysm a hundred times more lethal or something.")_

 _("Mmm, true...")_ Tikki hummed, thoughtfully tapping her chin. _("Oh! Not that I think you're not capable, Adrien! I know you try your hardest. That's why Mari likes you so much.")_

 _("Th-thank you,")_ Adrien blushed, giddy at the thought of Marinette liking him in any manner. It was something of a relief that the fashion designer held kind thoughts towards him and didn't see him only as his father's son. ...Or was put off by his cheesy body odor.

 _("Well, we can't very well have Mari purify the akuma before we get you two back to normal. You and Plagg will have to stick close to her,")_ Tikki decided, patting one pawed fist into the other. _("I don't think she'd mind at all,")_ she added with a secretive giggle.

 _What was_ that _supposed to mean,_ Adrien wondered. Nevertheless he nodded. _("Okay, I'll talk to Plagg during lunch. We'll come up with an excuse to hang out with Marinette. I just hope Plagg doesn't do anything to traumatize Marinette like he did Chloe.")_

 _("Oh, no worries. Plagg knows about Mari. He knows better than to do that.")_

Despite the fact that the words were supposed to be encouraging, Adrien twitched. _All this time,_ Plagg knew exactly who Ladybug was and he didn't tell him! Didn't even drop a hint! All he did was demand cheese and sleep all the time, and tell him about how lame love was! Still, this was an opportunity to hang out with Marinette, to hang out with _Ladybug,_ he thought with a squeal of glee. He'd always liked Marinette. Maybe this was why. It was _destiny._

 _("Okay, I should get back,")_ Tikki said with a wave. _("Good luck with everything, Adrien! I wish you the best.")_ With that, she dematerialized and left the school bag. Adrien was going to have to ask her how she did that, next time he saw her.

The lunch bell rang and Plagg was indeed snoring as everyone got up for the lunch break. Nino shook the teen model awake, hissing at him. "Dude! What's up with you, man? I've never seen you like this! You should've drank the coffee Mari gave you."

"Mmmrghl," Plagg mumbled, wiping away a bit of drool from his mouth. He yawned again, blinking sleepily. "School over yet?"

"It's only _half_ over," the DJ said incredulously. "Adrien, I think you need to go home and sleep this off. You're not yourself, dude."

"Good idea!" Plagg replied with a grin, ignoring the way that his bag seemed to reverberate with irritation. "Alright, see ya tomorrow~!" he said with a casual wave, barely pausing long enough to pack up everything. As they left school, Plagg looked down into his bag to see two intensely infuriated green eyes glaring back up at him. "Problem, kid?" he asked as they tread down the school steps and the Seine spread out in front of them.

"I met Tikki," Adrien said in a tightly controlled, clipped tone, making Plagg freeze midstep.

"O-oh! You did!" Plagg said with a nervous laugh, as the glowing green eyes narrowed further. "W-well, that's nice for you! Tikki's very sweet. You two romantics probably got along gre-"

"She told me about Marinette."

Plagg's mouth shut with an audible click. "A-ah," he managed, breaking out into a cold sweat.

"Let's talk at home. _Privately,_ " Adrien continued, looking like he was about to unleash the full force of his godly powers of destruction right there.

Wisely, Plagg did as he was bid.

~o~

After Adrien made _very clear_ his displeasure at his kwami keeping secrets from him, they got to the business of how to best stalk Marinette. "It's not like it's going to be _that_ difficult," Plagg reasoned as he sprawled himself over Adrien's couch as he picked at his lunch of Grecian braised fish and herb salad. Adrien had to make do on olives and pickled carrots. "All I need to do is go, 'Hey, I'm coming over' and that's that."

Adrien scoffed at that. "Oh please. Marinette's too skittsh around me for that sort of thing. And you need to be less forceful than that! I don't want her to get a bad impression of me."

"Kid, believe me, nothing I do could be a problem," Plagg replied flatly, taking another forlorn look at the unsatisfactory meal he'd been presented. Adrien had the distinct feeling that his kwami was keeping something _else_ from him. "Besides, I know women waaay better than you do. Trust me. I can handle a fifteen year old girl."

"I swear, Plagg, if you mess this up for me," Adrien growled in the most threatening tone he could manage. However, his destruction god aura seemed to have passed with his first temper, so Plagg just gave him an unimpressed look. "Just _don't_ make her hate me," he finally sighed in defeat.

Grinning deviously, Plagg rubbed a thumb against Adrien's brow in a manner that was a little too forceful to be comforting. "Don't worry, short-stack. I got this."

 _I really hope you do,_ Adrien thought as he watched Plagg choke on a piece of parsley.

After lunch, Adrien was once more subjected to the claustrophobic interior of his own school bag. It was an uncomfortable ride and the impending meeting with Marinette was doing nothing for his nerves. He was brimming with anxiety as they left the car and came back to the familiar sound of students getting back from lunch.

"Adrien? I thought you went home," he heard Nino's voice call over the crowd.

"Forgot something," Plagg replied distractedly. "Where's the girl?"

"Uhhh... _what_ girl?" Nino asked slowly. Adrien could just imagine the dubious look that came over his friend's face.

"Y'know, the girl you thought you had this huge crush on, before you got all sickening sweet on this new girl you're all over." Adrien sank his head into his tiny paws.

"...You mean _Mari_?" Nino asked, growing offended. Not that Adrien blamed him. "...She's over there. Talking with my girlfriend. _Alya._ "

"Cool," Plagg replied, directing them towards the students in question. Adrien really wished for this dematerialism power now, because he thought he might just sink into the ground and hide forever and ever. Plagg stopped, the bag shifting as the air became void of any kind of feminine chatter. "Hey, girl," Plagg said, as Adrien sucked in a breath. "You, me. Girlfriend, boyfriend. You fine with that?"

What followed was a silence so deafening, you could hear fish splashing in the Seine.

Adrien's brain simply stopped computing. He started sinking. Sinking, lower into the bag. Woah! That was light! That was too low! His head popped out from the underside of his schoolbag, giving him a prime (if upside down) view of Marinette. Her entire face was as red as her Ladybug suit, her jaw dropping open wide enough to catch flies. Plagg simply reached over with a finger under her chin to close it shut. "I'll take that as a yes," he said, turning towards the school doors, "I'll come over with you to your house after school. Later."

Adrien looked around from the bottom of the bag, making sure that they were alone before he zipped up in a puff of black fury to Plagg's borrowed face. "What was that?!" he shrilled.

Plagg just frowned at him. "What? It's a good enough excuse to hang out with her all the time. Besides, I thought you wanted to go out with her eventually. I was just skipping past all of your annoying whining and moaning and getting to the bit that you would've gotten to anway."

"You did it too fast!"

"So _rry_ ," Plagg shrugged. "I just don't have the patience for this kind of thing anymore. Shouldn't you be happy anyway? I did the hard part for you."

 _Except she never said yes. She didn't say yes because you came on too strong and called her 'girl' and now she's completely freaked out and my chances with her are completely ruined!_ Adrien thought, sinking lower in the air as he began to feel faint.

"Let me guess," Plagg drawled, "You're thinking, 'she didn't say yes and I ruined everything', right?" He peered down at the tiny little black being with those ageless green eyes. Ones that certainly didn't look like they belonged in a fifteen year old body. "Just relax before you self-combust, kid. You look like you're going to explode any second. Give her a chance. You might be surprised."

After Plagg slept away in the rest of their afternoon classes and Tikki gave the nervous-wreck of Adrien Agreste another pep talk, came the moment of truth. Plagg yawned as he stretched languidly in his seat, while the students around him gave him some particularly strange looks as they packed up. Adrien peeked up through the unzippered bag, waiting for Mari to come into view.

She did, standing over Plagg as she clutched onto her tablet. Worrying her lower lip, her face glowed with a comely blush that made Adrien melt just a little. Gosh, she was so cute. The knowledge that it was also Ladybug blushing just made it all the sweeter. "A-Adrien?" she asked, stuttering only a little. Adrien was very proud. "Are you- what you said right after lunch break... Did you really mean that?"

"Yup," Plagg replied, popping the 'p' noise. He sounded perfectly disinterested. "So, you ready to go? Your house, right?"

Marinette frowned. There was something akin to suspicion in her expression. It pleased Adrien greatly that she was observant enough to notice something was amiss with him. "Sure!" she replied, holding out a hand with a smile, "let's go then."

There were a couple gasps and squeals as Plagg took her hand and they left the classroom. Adrien positively seethed with envy. That was supposed to be _his_ position and Plagg was taking total advantage of it! Once they were outside, Marinette started towards the left. _Away_ from her house right across the street.

"Where are you going?" Plagg asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not in the mood for a walk. Isn't your place right there?" he asked, gesturing towards the patisserie.

"Oh, haha! Silly me!" Marinette said with a tittering laugh. "I'd lose my head one of these days if it wasn't attached to my shoulders. Come on then." She led the way, in the correct direction this time. The smell of warm ovens, fresh baked bread, butter and sugar wafted over them as they neared. Adrien drooled at the particular _yeasty_ smell that he never noticed before. "Maman! Papa! Adrien's here!" she called to her parents as they entered the shop. "We're going to go up to do homework."

"Oh, welcome Adrien!" Sabine called to Plagg, smiling sweetly. "It's so nice to see you again!" She took pause as Plagg leaned over the display and sniffed at the bread. He picked one up without any warning and smelled it. Then he took a bite.

"A-Adrien!" Marinette cried, stealing the bread from his fingers. "Don't just take it from the display like that!" She faltered. "Er- I mean-! We have customer ready bread in the back. I'd be happy to get you some."

"But ish cheeshy bread," Plagg replied, his mouth full. He swallowed and let out a happy hum.

Tom let out a laugh, his booming voice sounding boisterously over the bakery. "Oh Mari, you should know better than to separate a man from his beloved bread. It's no harm."

"But-"

At this, Sabine was ready with a whole tray full of hot steaming cheesy bread. "Don't be silly, have as much as you like! You should eat more, young man." Plagg's eyes widened as he took in the spread, his whole expression lighting up with glee.

Minutes later, the pair of them were stashed away in Marinette's room. Plagg was surrounded with as much cheesy bread as he could carry and more than he could possibly eat. He munched happily away at it, completely wrecking Adrien's diet without a care in the world. Marinette studied him like a bug (ha), even as she tried to preoccupy herself with her work. Adrien was left stuck in his school bag, looking on forlornly as he was helpless to do anything.

"Adrien, aren't you going to do your homework?" she asked, spinning around in her chair.

"Don't feel like it," Plagg replied simply. His eyes were beginning to droop as the full on carb-coma began to hit. He stretched languidly, making himself home on top of Marinette's chaise. "Mmmmmmew~!" he crooned as he stretched, sounding exactly like a lazy cat making itself cozy in a patch of sunlight. He curled up, falling asleep within a matter of seconds.

Once Plagg was asleep, Marinette said in a hushed voice. "Tikki. _Tikki,_ " she hissed, summoning her kwami from her purse. Adrien watched, holding his breath as the little bug kwami appeared - however reluctantly. His heart pounded, once again reaffirming in his mind that Marinette _was_ his beloved Ladybug. "Tikki, this doesn't seem like Adrien at _all_ ," Marinette spoke to her kwami in a hushed tone. "Do you think that he was a victim of the Body Snatcher?"

Tikki hesitated, sending a guilty look over in Adrien's direction, to the bag he was hiding in. "I-I don't know," Tikki hedged, clearly uneasy with keeping anything from her chosen. "He did know exactly where you live. Maybe he's just in a strange mood today."

Marinette scoffed. "Tikki, this is the boy that writes love letters to girls. He would _never_ ask anyone out like that. I'm telling you, I don't think this is him."

Adrien trembled, both delighted and horrified they'd been found out so quickly. Just how _closely_ had Marinette been paying attention to him?

"If that's the case, then what do you want to do?" Tikki asked. "You basically invited a stranger into your room."

Marinette let out a sigh. "Well, he wouldn't be the first to have a crush on me, although he has a weird way of showing it. We can keep an eye on him I suppose, but we need to make sure that he's not actually the Body Snatcher first. We need to search him for an akuma." With that, she promptly began to manhandle his body, doing a pat down to try to find something amiss. Adrien watched in rapt attention. Boy, she seemed awfully gropey with those hands of hers, particularly when she searched _under_ Plagg's shirt.

"Hmm, looks clean," she decided, her cheeks _definitely_ flushed by the time she was done. She cleared her throat and looked to Tikki. "Do you mind keeping an eye on him? Let me know if he wakes up." With that, she turned back to her homework, casting the occasional glance back at her guest.

Tikki did as she was bid, hovering over Plagg, as she glanced at the schoolbag. _("Are you alright?")_ she messaged to Adrien.

 _("I feel violated,")_ Adrien meeped, eyes wide.

Tikki coughed. _("Y-yes, well. You are fairly attractive for a fifteen year old. Anyone would have to be blind not to notice that.")_

Adrien blinked. _("Wait. Does Marinette think I'm attractive...?")_ he asked, his kwami voice laced with hope.

 _("WELL, how about that Body Snatcher, huh?!")_ Tikki exclaimed loudly, doing a not very good job of changing the subject. _("It would sure be helpful if they turned up soon! Hawkmoth isn't doing a very good job of trying to draw out Ladybug and Chat Noir!")_

Keenly aware that he was not going to get his question answered, Adrien sighed. _("Look, wouldn't it be easier if you just told her that I'm Chat Noir-")_

 _("NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!")_ Tikki cried, her kwami voice booming in Adrien's mind. _("I mean-! These things have to happen naturally on their own! I will not be deprived!")_

 _("...deprived?")_ Adrien echoed in confusion, still a little shellshocked.

Tikki rubbed her brow, as if trying to massage away an oncoming headache. _("Look. I'll do my best to convince Mari that keeping Plagg nearby is in everyone's best interests. Your main job should be Plagg damage control. Okay?")_

Tikki may as well have asked him to stop a meteor the size of a moon with his bare hands. Nonetheless, Adrien sighed, _("Okay, I'll try...")_ The little bug kwami flew over to him and gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder, before she resumed her vigil over the sleeping Plagg.

That evening, Plagg woke up hours later and was summarily kicked out from Marinette's house to go to his own home to sleep. He tried bringing the cheesy bread, but that was confiscated before he even made it to the car, sacrificed to the duck-gods of the Seine. As soon as he got back, his head hit the pillow again and he was fast asleep, while Adrien tried to make up for lost time to scramble through as much homework as he could into the late night.

In the meantime, he sent a text to Marinette. She deserved it after enduring that disastrous first not-date.

 _ **Me:**_ _Hey Marinette! Thank you so much for hanging out and for the cheesy bread! It was super delicious! ;)_

Adrien debated over the winky face for entirely too long, before he just went with it. After all, technically he was now Marinette's boyfriend, wasn't he? (A thought that still made him blush.)

About a half hour later, Marinette replied, much to Adrien's delight.

 _ **Mari:**_ _I'm glad you liked it. Reminds me of when you came over to game and we had cake._

Adrien frowned at that. They didn't have cake then. Sure, they were offered croissants and cookies, but eventually they had settled on quiche.

 _ **Me:**_ _Don't you mean the salmon spinach quiche? That was super delicious too. Your parents are amazing bakers. That was when you gave me the good luck bracelet, right?_

There was another incredibly lengthy delay.

 _ **Mari:**_ _Yeah! That's right, silly me! Well, I got to get back to stuff. CU tomorrow! 3_

Stuff? That was pretty vague. And was that a heart or a three? (Or even a butt?) Adrien studied it for far too long, before he gave up on trying to interpret it. It was bound to send him into a tizzy and he had too much homework to do to be distracted by thoughts of bluebell eyes.

~o~

The next morning it took the promise of _two_ kilos of Pule to rouse Plagg out of bed. Adrien was ready for a catnap himself after he zoomed through all his work into the late night. He cozied up into a little fleecy corner of his book bag, trying to grab a little shut eye before Plagg decided to wreak havoc again on day two of his more bedraggled (a little too Chat-like) state.

He didn't have to wait long. As soon as Plagg reached school, he was greeted by Adrien's usual cohort of friends. It was as if they were waiting on him in ambush. "G-good morning, Adrien!" Marinette said cheerfully, a faint blush to her cheeks. Adrien looked up at her from his hiding place in the book bag with a longing sigh. This was so _not fair._ He finally knew who Ladybug was and she was his amazing classmate and he _still_ couldn't talk to her!

Plagg was not at all cognizant of what an amazing gift he had. "Mor-" he yawned midword and cleaned his ear, "-ning."

Nino, Marinette and Alya shared a look.

"Wow, all that work your dad's putting you through is finally catching up, huh?" Nino asked, though he didn't sound like he believed it himself.

"Well, he did get plenty of sleep at my place yesterday, so he should be totally awake today. Right, Adrien?" Marinette said hopefully, glancing at the model.

"Wouldn't count on it," Plagg drawled, ignoring the way the others frowned.

 _This lazy cat!_ Adrien thought, ready to cry as he dragged his little paws down his face. Plagg had one job. _One job!_ Stay awake during school!

Then the cat surprised him (them all actually), when he slung an arm around Marinette's shoulders. "Ready to go?" he asked, almost bored but not quite, as he looked to his would-be girlfriend. Who was currently reddening up like a squeaking tomato.

"Wow, you're... surprisingly forward," Alya said, cocking an eyebrow.

Plagg just shrugged. "I'd rather just skip through the mushy puppy-love stage and get right to the good part. We'll get there eventually anyway. Right, girl?" Marinette didn't answer, doing a fantastic impression of a volcano for all the steam that was coming out of her ears.

 _But I want to do that stage!_ Adrien wailed, already seeing all his chances at first-dates, first-kisses, first- _everythings_ go down the drain. And frankly, he still wasn't even sure how Mari felt about him, since Plagg was being so freaking _pushy._

The cat continued to be pushy, insisting that Marinette come sit with him in the front row, between himself and Chloe so he'd have a buffer from the blonde's annoying voice (this caused the second round of the girl running sobbing from the room). Then he fell asleep again, much to Mme. Bustier's growing annoyance at his behavior. During break, the professor took Plagg to the side and told him that she was going to have to have a word with his father about his work-life balance if this kept up.

Inside his school bag, Adrien sobbed quietly into a sympathetic Tikki's shoulder.

Finally, salvation came in the form of a broadcast over the speakers. Mr. Damocles' voice came over the intercom, tugging Plagg out of his nap and drawing everyone's attention.

" _Dear students, please remain calm. We have received a news report about the akuma, Body Snatcher. At this time, please remain in place in your classrooms. Mme. Bustier, please escort Sabrina Raincomprix to my office. Thank you."_

Sabrina started as if struck. The red-haired girl went ashen, as Mme. Bustier quickly did as she bid. "Everyone, you heard him. Stay where you are," she told the class, giving significant looks to the front two rows. Once she was gone, everyone whipped out their phones and searched for the latest news feeds.

Naturally, Alya got there first and everyone gathered around her as she held out the video. It was a transmission direct from the Body Snatcher herself. Though certainly not in the same body that Ladybug and Chat Noir fought her in before. Instead, the face of Elaine Duvelle, the number one supermodel in Europe, if not the world, addressed them. Her face was dark with strange purple bruising, as if she were fighting even now with Hawkmoth. The irony was that it marred the perfect face that she was so after.

"I demand that Ladybug and Chat Noir come to City Hall immediately!" she hissed, her ugly demeanor also at odds with that perfect bone structure. "I have already switched the bodies of all the police officers with Paris' worst criminals!" An audible gasp came over the class. "Give up your Miraculous, Ladybug and Chat Noir! Or else I'll do much worse!" With that, the transmission ended, leading to a room of newscasters as they tried to calm the public.

"Oh poor Sabrina!" Rose gasped, looking teary eyed at the screen.

"Don't you mean, poor us?" Kim demanded. "We've got thieves and murderers and rapists wandering around the street!"

"If she's not lying you mean," Max said as he adjusted his glasses. "What better way to get everyone to distrust the police?"

Away from everyone's attention, Marinette tried to subtly sneak away. She might have succeeded, if Plagg didn't put a hand over hers. "Where do you think you're going?" Plagg drawled, giving her a suspicious look.

Marinette looked down at the hand, then back up at Plagg. She offered him a bright smile. "Want to find out?" she asked, scratching under his chin. Deciding this was entirely _too_ suspicious, Adrien zipped underneath Plagg's jacket, as Marinette led them out into the empty school hall and away from their classmates' prying eyes. His eyes widened when she led them towards the broom closet. Could it be? No. No _way._ There was no way that Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the shyest girl in class was leading Plagg off to h-h-have a make-out-

Suddenly, Marinette Dupain-Cheng shoved them in, flung the door closed and locked it. "Sorry!" she called through the closet door, sounding _not at all_ apologetic. "Don't worry, I'm sure that Ladybug will put you back where you belong!" With that her footfalls hurried away, no doubt to transform into Ladybug and take care of Body Snatcher.

Plagg looked down at the little black being hiding in his shirt pocket. "Well?" he said expectantly.

"Well, _what?_ " Adrien snapped back. "We're stuck in a broom closet no thanks to you! With Ladybug off to take care of Body Snatcher before we can switch back!"

"Kid," Plagg said in patient boredom, "dematerialize and open the door from the outside."

... _Oh_. Feeling rather foolish, Adrien replied, "Uh- well, I only did it the one time and I don't know how I did it."

"What did you feel that time?"

"Like I wanted to crawl into a deep dark hole and never see the light of day again out of sheer mortification?"

"Exactly!" Plagg beamed, a little too smugly. "Do it again!" He snatched Adrien and pressed the little black kwami body up against the door. The rather resilient god body made an excellent smushing sound against the wood. Then suddenly, there wasn't anything solid at all and Adrien popped out in broad daylight.

"Good job, kid," came the muffled voice from the broom closet. "Now let me out."

Sorely tempted to just leave Plagg where he was, Adrien nonetheless did the prudent thing and freed the misbodied kwami. "Well, this is just great," he said, looking up to the sky towards City Hall. "Ladybug's probably already there by now. We don't stand a chance of catching up to her like _this._ "

Plagg stretched languidly. "Well, then obviously we need to turn into Chat Noir."

"W-wait a minute! I still don't know anything about how that works!" Adrien cried, his voice pitching higher in panic. "What if something goes wrong?"

The teen made a scoffing noise, waving a hand in dismissal. "You and Tikki are just overthinking this. Now," his face transformed, going from lazy to devilishly wicked in delight, "I've always wanted to do this." He pumped a fist in the air and called, "Adrien, transforme moi!"

Adrien jerked. Then waited.

Nothing happened. Crickets chirped in the distance.

Plagg stared at the ring on his finger and tried again. "Plagg, transforme moi!"

Still nothing. Plagg looked at the ring again and shook it violently, as if that would make it work.

"Uh..." Adrien tried slowly, "Plagg, transforme moi?" He let out a small shriek as there was a strange suctioning _pull_ on his body. He closed his eyes, curling up in on himself as reality itself swirled and distorted. It was like he was being stretched and compacted all at once, taking him apart molecule by molecule.

Then he opened his eyes. He looked out and saw his two clawed hands, just as they normally were when he was Chat Noir. "Oh my God," he whispered, looking himself over. He ran to the closest reflection in glass and saw in it _his_ face in Chat Noir masque. "Oh my fur and whiskers, I'm back! I'm back!" he crowed, jumping up in glee as he pumped a fist in the air. Then he stopped. Wait a minute, how did this even work with the body snatching? Was he actually Adrien? Had he ever been _just_ Adrien? Was he actually _Plagg_ now and he had no idea?

Caught in the middle of his existential crisis, familiar footfalls came up behind him. Whirling around, he found none other than Alya (of course) filming him with her phone with Nino bringing up the rear. "Chat Noir!" she called in excitement, "what are you doing here? All the action's going to be at City Hall."

"Oh, I'm just keeping tabs on my favorite reporter," Chat Noir replied with a lascivious wink as he casually leaned against a courtyard pillar.

Something crackled in the direction of the pillar. Chat looked to his hand and saw to his horror, black energy buzz and crackle around his fingers. The rapid decay from his palm spread, taking out not only the pillar but huge bites of floor and ceiling with it. Chat jumped back as the entire walkway and even a little bit of classroom wall between him and Alya and Nino disintegrated.

"Dude! What did you Cataclysm our school for?!" Nino cried.

"I... didn't," Chat whispered to himself, staring at his hands. They crackled with black energy again, more violently this time. He took a step back, looking from his hands up to his friends. He turned his ring over. Instead of the normal green paw print he'd come to expect, he saw nothing but an eerie shroud of darkness. One that threatened to suck you in if you stared into it for too long.

Well. This was not good.

Chat shook his head. Okay, he definitely had to get to Body Snatcher before his kwami powers went completely haywire. Hesitantly, he reached behind him for his baton, wondering if that would disintegrate as well. To his relief it didn't. Looked like it and his person were immune to whatever this was. With a smirk and a wave, Chat saluted to his two friends. "Be cool, stay in school!" he called as he used his baton to vault up into the sky. Not his best, but to be fair, he _was_ a little preoccupied at the moment.

Chat sprinted at top speed along the rooftops, faster than he ever had before, making a beeline for City Hall. The crackling seemed to be growing worse in his hands, bolts of black lightning whipping out and taking small sections of the roofs with each lash. If this kept up, he was going to take out whole chunks of Paris with him!

Thankfully, the Hotel de Ville was right ahead and he saw Ladybug somersaulting in the sky as she avoided beams of light from the Body Snatcher. When he came to the plaza, he saw no sign of Elaine Duvelle, but many, _many_ disoriented police officers either trying to catch Ladybug or standing stunned where they were. One of them held out the cursed item, a wand-like rolled up magazine, shooting beams of light at the whizzing flash of red. Only to pause every once in awhile and escape into a new body right before Ladybug pummeled it into submission.

Chat waited for his moment. Then he saw Body Snatcher zip into of all people, Roger Raincomprix. The possessed officer held the wand up to Ladybug's back, too quick for her to react. He pounced, using the top of the Roger's helmet like a spring board to somersault backwards and land back-to-back with Ladybug.

"Miss me, milady?" he asked, holding out his baton as he waited for the next volley of fire.

"Just in time, chaton," Ladybug smiled, glancing over her shoulder at him. Before she did a doubletake. "Chat Noir?! Your hair!"

Blinking, Chat pulled a strand of hair in front of his face and saw that it was now jet black. More runoff from his haywire powers. Great. "It's a long story, milady," Chat Noir said, "but needless to say I need to borrow Body Snatcher's power before you can purify her." Then he smirked. "Why? Do you prefer me like this? Tall, dark and handsome?" he purred as he framed his handsome visage in his fingers.

Ladybug snorted. "I think you make a better natural blond. It fits with your airheaded jokes."

"Meowch! That's cruel, milady!" he cried, not taking any real offense when Ladybug _(Marinette -happysigh-)_ laughed.

"Okay, you do what you have to do, mon minou. I got your back," she called, concentrating her focus instead on the criminals that now inhabited the bodies of Paris' finest.

"Got it." Chat looked back to Body Snatcher (Roger? Body-Roger? Roger-Snatcher?), who was still reeling from the several story hit. "Yoo-hoo!" he called, waving his baton like a flag. "Hey, you fashion-wannabe, let's see if you have what it takes for the cat walk."

Predictably, Body Snatcher let out a roar of outrage, then let off a volley of rapid fire beams in his direction. Chat dodged them all, vaulting over cars and running along the side of the brickwork buildings along the plaza. Well, he couldn't make it _too_ easy. He didn't want to make it seem like he _wanted_ to get shot after all. Unfortunately, the curse seemed to be spreading and little craters dipped beneath his feet with each step he took.

 _Next one. Next one I'll take the hit, and then-_

However, apparently, his cat-like reflexes were a little _too_ good. Body Snatcher let out a howl of frustration. Waving the wand-magazine away from him, the possessed Roger turned it instead to Ladybug's back, who was too preoccupied with fighting off all the rest of the police force to notice. "Fine! Let's see if Ladybug can take you down instead!"

A cold spear of horror thrust into Chat. It was as if the world suddenly stilled into slow motion.

 _Oh, God, no! Marinette! Tikki!_

Without thinking, he sprinted for Body Snatcher, skidding to a halt in Ladybug's path. He clasped his cursed hands onto the magazine-wand pointed at his belly. Everything suddenly went from slow motion to lightspeed. Black energy exploded over them in an orb of darkness, engulfing the shred of light emitted from the wand. The decay spread too far, too fast. Roger screamed as his arm began to disintegrate and erode like stone in the wind. The wand-akuma vanished in a puff of dust, the black butterfly within caught up in the whirlwind of energy.

When the dust settled, Chat stared down at the crater of destruction left in his wake and the crumbling dust slipping between his fingers. There was nothing left. No wand. No akuma. No victim _._ No _Roger._

"Chat?" Ladybug called, her voice shrill with worry. "Chat!" She skidded down the side of the crater. She reached out, ready to console him with a comforting touch or gesture.

" _DON'T TOUCH ME!"_

Ladybug froze, her eyes wide as he took her partner in. "Ch-Chat," she whispered. Then her voice firmed up. "Chat, it's going to be okay. Miraculous has fixed worse. _We've_ fixed worse."

Chat said nothing, feeling nothing. He stared at the fringe of jet black hair in his vision.

Her face set with grim determination, Ladybug vaulted from the crater and spotted the akuma still fluttering circles high above them. As if it were still caught up in the whirlwind that Chat Noir had set loose before. Wasting no time, she snatched the butterfly up in her yoyo and purified it. Chat closed his eyes as she quickly followed with Lucky Charm and Miraculous Ladybug.

All around him, things began to shift and move. The familiar and comforting warmth of the ladybug flocks whirled in the air, setting a sense of peace. Once things settled, afraid and hopeful, Chat opened up his eyes again. Before him lay an issue of MODE, an unconscious Officer Roger, and beyond them a young girl sprawled on the ground, unhealthily thin and panting sharply. She wasn't even all that bad to look at, if only her bones weren't so prominent.

Chat's heart would have broke for her. He'd seen this sort of thing far too often in his line of work. Unfortunately, his hair was still as dark as obsidian and so was his sympathy right then.

Something tapped him on the shoulder. With a violent start, he jumped and looked behind him to find Ladybug grinning widely. She looked none the worse for wear, despite the fact that she had just laid hands on the unfettered power of destruction. "Do you know what the Lucky Charm was?" she asked, her tone giddy. Chat slowly shook his head. "Blond hair dye."

At his perplexed blink, Ladybug giggled again and wrapped her kitty up into a hug. "Chat, you're going to be just fine," she assured him fondly, squeezing him for all he was worth. "Everything is going to be just fine."

That was when it finally sunk in. Agonizing relief washed over him and Chat returned the heartfelt embrace in full. He hadn't killed anyone. He wasn't the living embodiment of destruction. Ladybug was _hugging_ him. "Thank you," he whispered, his voice breaking, "Thank you. Thankyou. _Thankyou._ "

Suddenly a shrill beep sounded. It was the only warning before there was a flash of light and Chat detransformed. Ladybug and Adrien froze mid-hug, their eyes wide. They didn't dare move, not unless they wanted to give everyone an unrestricted view of Chat Noir's true identity.

"I thought you didn't use Cataclysm!" Ladybug said in a shrill whisper.

"Uh, I've sorta been using it nonstop for a half-hour," Adrien admitted sheepishly. Part of him knew he should be panicking more, but right now he was just _relieved_ to be back in his own body.

"Oh great! That's just great!" Ladybug snapped. Thinking quickly, before any of the downed officers or the helicopter flying above could get a good look at him, she yanked the back of Adrien's jacket up over his head. Then she wrapped an arm around his waist and sprinted as fast as she could away from the spotlight. They landed miles away on top of a balcony, before they dropped down into a deserted alleyway.

When she deemed it safe, Ladybug let Adrien go and turned her back to him, arms folded over her chest. Her eyes studiously averted from his face, she said, "Okay, you better run before somebody sees you. I'd dye that hair back to normal as soon as possible, if I were you."

 _So stubborn,_ Adrien thought with a goofy grin, as he readjusted his clothes.

Well, it wasn't really fair that only he knew her identity, was it?

Dusting himself off and coming up to stand, he primped a little before he spoke again. "Okay, sure. I'll make sure to do that... Marinette," he said, his voice perfectly smug.

Ladybug whirled to look at him. Then her jaw dropped and her beautiful bluebell eyes widened to a comical size. "A-A-A-Adrien?!" she squeaked, her face growing as bright as her ladybug suit.

With this, Adrien gave a deep bow and took her hand in his. "At your service, milady," he purred, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. When there was no reply, he glanced up and saw that Ladybug had gone a rather alarming shade of white. "Woah!" he cried, as her eyes rolled up into her head and she fainted into his waiting arms. A second later, her own transformation gave way, revealing his long-awaited Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Blushing madly, Adrien looked at the sweet girl in his arms from his crouched position on the ground. "...I feel like there's a joke here, but it seems completely wasted."

"I'll listen!" Tikki replied cheerfully, zipping up into view.

"Tikki!" Adrien replied happily. "Tikki, I'm glad you're okay!"

"Hey, what about me!" Plagg cried, as the little black kwami appeared into view as well.

"What about you?" Adrien asked flatly, leveling his kwami an unimpressed look.

"Well, I'm glad you're _both_ okay," Tikki interrupted before the two boys could start bickering. "I was so worried when I felt the Black Cat Miraculous unlocked like that! You could have come out of it with much worse than a new hair color."

"... _Yeah_ , about that. Is this permanent?" Adrien asked, gesturing to his ebony hair.

"Who knows!" Tikki chirped cheerfully. "For now, let's get Marinette back home. I think the shock might have been too much for her!" With all in agreement, Adrien picked Marinette up piggy-back style and made the long trek back to her house.

~o~

After a rather awkward excuse to the Dupain-Chengs about Marinette feeling sick and his apparent new 'Goth phase', Adrien sat on the floor of Marinette's room, watching her as she recuperated on her chaise. His expression was nothing less than smitten, letting out a happy sigh with each rise and fall of Marinette's breath.

Above them, Plagg and Tikki watched the pair of them, deeply delved in their kwami speak.

 _("UGH, the kid's going to be absolutely insufferable now!")_ the little black cat gagged, _("It was bad enough he was gaga over Ladybug when they fought, but now he's going to be like this 24/7!")_

 _("Oh leave him alone. It's cute,")_ Tikki chided.

 _("Hey, you're the one who didn't want them to reveal themselves to each other. Why are you so happy?")_

 _("Extenuating circumstances,")_ Tikki replied with a small shrug. _("Besides, aren't they just the sweetest things~?")_ she cooed as she looked over their charges.

 _("Ugh, KILL ME NOW.")_

 _("Hush! Marinette's waking up!")_

The young teen finally stirred, perking Adrien up from his lovelorn thoughts. Blearily, she opened up her eyes and turned over to find the teen model watching over her. Her lips spread into a dreamy smile and she reached out to brush her fingertips along his chin. "Hey hot stuff," she murmured.

Adrien's green eyes widened. "H-hi," he stuttered, a bright blush burning his cheeks.

Still half-asleep, she said, "Are you going to kiss me or aren't you?"

"Ah- I mean- th-that's really sudden," Adrien stammered, the blush on his cheeks now spreading over his ears and down his neck. "A-are you sure you want to? D-don't you think that maybe we ought to talk or something first?"

That was when Marinette noticed something amiss. Frowning faintly, she tugged on a bang and asked, "Why is your hair black?"

"Wha-? Oh, you don't remember that?" Adrien asked, somewhat relieved they were off the subject of kissing. It was much too soon for that. "You don't remember that whole thing with the Body Snatcher? See, what happened was that me and my kwami ended up switching places, instead of me switching bodies with someone else. So for the past day I've been Plagg and he's been me, see. Actually, he was the one who was acting really, really weird, so you were right about me not being myself. And he was the one who asked you out and everything, so you can totally ignore that happened if you want to. I don't want to, I'd really like to stay your boyfriend.

"But anyway, then I ran into Tikki - or she ran into me - and I accidentally found out you were Ladybug, which is awesome, by the way! But we figured that with me being stuck as a kwami there was a whole bunch of bad stuff that woulda happened if I turned back into Chat Noir again, which we ended up doing anyway, because it was kind of an emergency. But then because I really sucked at being a kwami, apparently, Plagg's destruction powers were going completely bonkers and I was destroying everything I touched and it was making me turn black all over, including my hair, which you noticed first actually. And then we were fighting in our Chat Noir and Ladybug superteam! But then I saw Body Snatcher was about to shoot you and I couldn't let what happened to me and Plagg happened to you, so I just reacted to block it. And I think I mighta killed Body Snatcher, but I really hope I didn't - actually I don't want to think about that ever again.

"Then you saved me with Miraculous Ladybug! Just like you always do, because you're awesome. Except for the hair thing, but I can live with that. But then I detransformed and we had to get away, and then _you_ detransformed and I brought you back to your parents house, where I've kinda been waiting forever to talk to you."

Adrien sucked in a huge breath as the very last of the rapidfire word vomit left him. "So. Yeah, that's why my hair's black. I really don't know why it didn't change back to blond. I really wish it would. My dad's going to _freak._ "

Marinette was very still. Her frown deepened, trying to absorb all the information that was thrown at her in such a short span of time. Then she let out a shriek as reality came back to her like a lightning strike. She grabbed a small throw pillow and used it as a shield as she tried to curl up and cower behind it as much as she could into her chaise.

"Ah... Marinette?" Adrien said uncertainly.

"It's you! I can't believe it's you!" she cried, peeking up over her pillow before she let out another shriek. "GAH! I can't believe I just called you hot stuff! And you were Chat this ENTIRE TIME!"

"Is that really so surprising?" Adrien asked with a pout.

"YES!" Marinette yelled. "Are you kidding me?! Of course, it's surprising, you stupid cat! I've had a crush on you for months!" She shut up immediately as the words left her mouth, going bright red as she realized that she had just insulted her crush, along with confessing to him.

Adrien blinked. Then he let out a chuckle. Then a howl a laughter. He nearly choked on them, holding onto his sides as he toppled over onto the floor.

"It's _really_ not that funny," Marinette pouted.

"Y-yes, it is!" Adrien laughed, tears in his eyes. "I can't believe this! You've been rejecting me this whole time because you had a crush on _me!_ " His laughter was positively infectious, because Marinette was quickly fighting the urge to grin along with him.

"How do you know I wasn't rejecting you because of your lame puns and bad pick-up lines?" she asked haughtily, failing to keep the corners of her mouth from curling upwards.

"Oh you _love_ the puns," Adrien said wickedly, his green eyes dancing with delight. He pushed himself up to her level, plopping down next to her in the chaise. "And you _love_ the pick-up lines. You're just too embarrassed to admit it, Ms. SeriousBug." With a grin, he leaned towards her and tugged at the collar of his shirt. "You're a fashion designer, right? You know what this shirt is made of? Boyfriend material."

Marinette let out a unwilling snort, so he continued, encouraged. "Excuse me, is your name Earl Gray? Because you look like a hot-tea."

"Oh my God, chaton. Stop!" Marinette vibrated with barely restrained giggles now.

"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out."

"Stop! _Stop!_ " Shrieking with laughter, Marinette tried kicking the other teen away, just to get him to shut up.

Undaunted, Adrien wrestled with her flailing limbs so that he wouldn't get kicked in the head, shouting the very worst (best) lines he could recall. Somehow, they rolled onto the floor with a loud _thump._ Marinette ended up on her back and Adrien on his stomach, straddled awkwardly between her legs with his chin resting on her navel.

Except it wasn't awkward at all. They'd been in this position so many times before as Ladybug and Chat Noir. It was still them. Just with no masks this time.

Grinning, Adrien propped up his chin from the floor, looking at his lady love with nothing less than unconditional adoration. "Hey, Mari, are you a camera?"

"N-no," Marinette replied, her breath caught in her throat at the loving expression that adorned the model's face. "Why?"

"Because whenever I look at you, I smile."

Twin blushes blossomed along both their cheeks, smiles turning shy and sweet.

"Hey hot stuff."

"Yes, Mari?"

"...Are you going to kiss me or aren't you?"

A wide smile spread across Adrien's face, pulling himself up to do just that.

"As you wish, milady."

~o~

As expected, Gabriel Agreste did freak out over the black hair. He seemed alright with it at first, scoffing that Adrien was going through some kind of rebellious phase, before he ordered Adrien's personal hair stylist to fix it. However, when it became apparent that no amount of hair product, bleach or dye was going to make a dent in the kwami-cursed mop of head, _then_ Gabriel Agreste lost his shit.

All Adrien could do was shrug helplessly in the face of his father's fury. Chat Noir was at school, he said. There was some wonky Miraculous magic going around, everyone knew it. Heck, Alya even got it on video. With nothing left for it, Gabriel Agreste left his son alone, defeated and muttering something under his breath about using the power of the gods to fix his son's hair.

Honestly, after a day or two, Adrien didn't mind it one bit. Black hair meant fewer modeling gigs, a lot less recognition, thus a lot _more_ time with his new girlfriend. A thought that still made him internally squee every time he thought about it.

So it was with some dismay two months later, that Adrien woke up and found himself staring at angelic gold locks once more. Naturally, his first instinct was to video-call his girlfriend.

" _Chaton, your hair!"_ she cried when she was finally awake. Adrien learned quickly that it took a little extra to get her up in the morning.

"Yup, back to normal," the model replied, shaking his hair out. "My dad's going to be ecstatic, let me tell you," he added flatly.

At his tone, his lady frowned. _"Aren't you? It's your mom's color, isn't it?"_

"Yeah, well..." Adrien scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, looking away from the camera. "When I looked at myself this morning, I almost didn't recognize myself. I didn't see Marinette's boyfriend anymore, because I got the black hair on the same day that we became a couple..."

" _...Damn it, Adrien. Why are you so cute?"_ Marinette asked, managing to sound both charmed and annoyed at once.

Adrien just replied with a shrug and a sheepish grin.

Then his girlfriend let out a sigh. _"Well, I suppose it would be suspicious if both you and Chat Noir got your blond hair back on the same day. I'll bet you anything that you'll be blond as Chat Noir, no matter what you do. However, Adrien Agreste can stay black for just a little while longer."_ She made a fist, her eyes burning with that determination he so loved. _"Just hold on, chaton. I'll swing by with some hair dye before your father sees you."_

"Aw, thank you~! Love you!" Adrien beamed at her.

" _...Love you too,"_ Marinette replied as her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, surprisingly the more reticent between the two of them. _"Okay, I'll be there soon! Just stay put!"_

Once the call ended, Adrien grinned and clasped his hands together as he internally squeed again. How on earth did he end up so lucky to have the best girlfriend in the entire world- No, the entire _universe?_

"UGH," his kwami said, making gagging noises from the couch as he scarfed down his camembert. "When are you going to end this disgustingly sweet phase already! I'm going to lose my appetite!" he cried as he swallowed a wheel of cheese. "Besides, I would've thought you'd wanted your blond hair back. Isn't that the hair that your precious princess fell in love with?"

"Oh, Plagg, you know what they say," Adrien said as he plopped down onto the couch beside the little god. His mouth spread into a devious grin.

"Once you go black~"


End file.
